The Adventures Of Clementine & Rosalie - The Party -
by Lady Jane Boleyn-Grey
Summary: A parody story that I wrote along with my co-author, J.S. We wrote it for entertainment purposes only. Please enjoy. Or cry. Your choice.


**Hi all! So, this is a story that me and my co-author J.S. decided to do together when we were hanging out. We can only say that the inspiration came from being awake at 3 in the morning, and wrote this story till almost 6. It was absolutely hilarious, and we had a ton of fun.**

**Disclaimer: This story is a ****_parody_****. We fully respect all works of fiction that have been used or mentioned in this story. We only own our OC's, Clementine and Rosalie (Names that come from 3 am story writing ;) ) and the story line itself. All other works of fiction, and Nadsat words. within the story belong to their perspective authors.**

**Rated M for language, sexual themes, substance related humour**

**Also! Anytime you see ** in the story, it's to show that the character is singing. Lyrics not owned by us, but brought to you by J.S. And Beetlejuice is spelled in the way that the movie director wanted it. We are sorry if this causes confusion. It's still pronounced the same. :)**

* * *

**The Adventures of Clementine & Rosalie**

**Part One**

"Rosalie," Clementine shouted, dragging out the vowels in her friend's name as she called for her. "Can you come in here for a second?"

"What the hell do you want?" Rosalie asked sourly, sauntering into the room.

Clementine, hovering near the doorway, pointed under the air hockey table, directing Rosalie's eye. "It's Betelgeuse. I called him, but he hit his head on the way in…."

"Why the fuck would you call him? Don't you remember what he did to you when you were drunk?"

"I don't think I remember being drunk…"

"Oh? Well… Maybe it was me then. Okay, well we should put some ice on his head and get him to the couch."

"You sure that's the order we should do those two things in? I feel like the ice is going to fall off his head while we drag his body to the couch."

"Oh whatever, let's move him and then get the ice, since you're so particular."

"Alright. I don't want to touch him though."

"Well, neither do I. Let's just kick him from under the table to the couch. That'll be way better than touching his grimy ass."

"Uh huh…. Krusty [the Clown] told me all about how you rode that grimy ass of his, so I see no reason as to why you can't touch and drag him now. Besides, I don't think Beats over there is going to be too pleased if he wakes to us pounding him in the ribs and temples with our warty nogas of ours."

"_You_, missy, have been hanging around Alex too long. You're starting to talk in that weird language of his. And if you actually believe that Krusty was telling the truth, then you are a bratchny!"

"Don't criticize my use of Nadsat if you're just going to throw it back in my face. If anything, I don't hang around Alex enough. Could be back at his place, but no, here I am in your basement, calling up Mr. Juicy, trying to get a good time started, and now we got to deal with his unconscious, striped mass of green hair and mildew."

"Well, whose fault is that? You _bleh_." Rosalie began to nudge Beats from where he lay, rolling him to the couch with her foot. "You just always cause problems, don't you, Clementine? "

"If that's how you feel, I'll can get the Krustys [Clown and Krab] to come pick me up, and you can deal with Betelgeuse on your own –though I doubt that'll be much of a pain in the ass for you. Too bad I can't say the same for him. God, Rosalie, how about you act more courteous this time around? Use some lube? Yeah that's right, I don't doubt a fucking thing the cartoon clown told me! Don't act like you hadn't just slipped up and accidently mentioned your drunken sexual endeavour moments ago when I first called ya into here."

"Shit…" Rosalie sighed, shrugging. "Well, this is awkward… Say, why don't you invite some friends over and we'll have a partaay? Beats can help us out, because he's crazy and he knows how to boogie."

"If I call up the Krustys, I'm leaving with them, no way I'm bringing them here to hang. This place is embarrassing, and I'm well aware the Krustys run gross, greasy fast-food joints as a living. I don't think you trust you around Alex, you know he can't control himself, and I think you like that about him, want to take advantage of it and all. Don't think I don't notice you leaning into him every time he comes around. I could invite the guys from the Breakfast Club, but you know how they make me want to spoon my own brains out and nibble on them… Not much of a party. Scooby Doo and his crew are like in Brazil having their own private monster mash, or you know, whatever they do… And lazy ain't going to be much help when his crazy, boogie ass is out-cold on the carpet."

"Maybe we can get the Looney Tunes to come jive or something. I really want to have a party and the fact that our friends all have lives, while we don't, is really taking away from my plans. So, I think we should pay them to come hang out with us."

"Don't drag me down to you're level! We're not paying no one to come hang out with us, okay? That's final, Princess Pathetic."

"Ball sucker. You are just jealous because you didn't get to sleep with fifty-percent of the Harry Potter cast. You bitch. You always bring my sexual relationships into these fights. You can't keep doing that, or I won't be your brother no more, and wouldn't want to be!"

"Alright, sweetie. You can keep going 'round bragging bought how you gave hand jobs to half the cast of the J.K. Rowling's-book-adaptation-movie-franchise, but we all know which half you managed to finger grope. Just to let you know, the people behind the cameras and holding the booms and merely standing around the set and such aren't considered cast by anyone but you. Also, please, stop talking like Dim. It's a disgrace. Poor moron don't deserve you mudding his memorable lines and reputation. He ain't Joan Jett, he cares what people think of him."

"Dim doesn't care about his reputation when it comes to us in bed! But that's not the point! The point is that I want to have a party, and I know you do too. This is being made impossible by the fact that everyone is busy. So, in order to be able to do what we want, we have to come up with a super awesome plan!"

"Hold up! You fucked Dim?! Who else knows about this?"

"Just you! And about ninety-percent of our circle of friends. Now, can we get on with the planning? I'm getting impatient. "

"Our shared circle of friends is just the Breakfast circle, despite me not liking them, Holmes and Watson, Shaggy, the rest of the Mystery Machine-goers don't like you, Tweety Bird, and that French skunk who loves that cat he thinks is also a skunk. That's ten people. Ninety-percent means one of them is still in the dark. Which one doesn't know?"

"Dim. He doesn't know."

"You drugged him!?"

"Shaggy and him were smoking weed."

"What kind of weed doubles as a roofies?"

"I have no idea. I thought it was consensual. When I asked if he was into it, you were too busy screwing Alex, he just said 'dobby do', so I agreed!"

"Alright. But why isn't he currently aware that this went down?"

"I'm not actually sure. It never came up."

"And you're sure he doesn't know? I mean, given it never came up in conversation afterwards and all?"

Rosalie sighed, hanging her head. "I'm not too sure anymore. I just want to finally find love and be happy. And have a party."

Clementine all of sudden burst into a fit of laughter, "Ol' Dim finally gets laid and it's so bad he has to immediately repress the memory! Oh God, that is too good. Priceless. Poor moron… And fine, if you're not going to drop this party nonsense figure out a way to wake Betelgeuse up. He'll probably be more help than me. Then again, he may just want to go to the strippers', given he may be feeling a little dazed and all. He gave his noggin a decent knocking after all."

"It was perfectly fine! He was just asleep. Thanks Shaggy! Okay, how should we wake Beats up, without making him angry and turn into a snake again? That wasn't fun last time. You almost died."

"You fucked Dim while he was sleeping? You violated the helpless idiot, Rosalie! I'm telling! And did I not just place the responsibility of getting the Robin Thicke look-alike here to rise and shine in your hands?"

"Fuck you! I am so sick of your shit. All you do is make me miserable and ruin my life! You slept with that creepy guy from The Outsiders and then he dumped me! You do nothing but make me feel worthless and ashamed! I hate you! And you won't be getting an appy pollie loggies from me you dirty devotchka!"

"Alright, whatever. When Beats peepers open. Let him know he's invited to join Dallas, Alex, and I tomorrow night. I'm calling the Krustys to pick me up. Have fun screwing sleeping bodies, you sick, moral-lacking, horn dog, you."

"Oh… Okay… Well… I guess this is it…"

"What's it, sugar?" Betelgeuse's voice rose from the carpet startling both Clementine and Rose. "Don't tell me you were about to get it on with my unconscious body like you did to that boy Dim! Jesus, Rosie, blow-up dolls and graveyards exist for freaks like you, you know that?"

"Stop it, both of you!" Rose ran away, tears streaming down her face.

"What's her problem?" Betelgeuse asked, looking up at Clem while lighting a rolled joint he had pulled from his jacket pocket. "It's not like I was against getting sleazy with her again, I just like to be awake for the party. You know? More enjoyable that way."

"Party!" Clementine chimed. "That's it! I know what we can do to make it up so her."

"Alright. Cool."

"We're going to throw her a surprise party and pretend that's what we had been planning to do the whole time. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Awe, look at us, we're just like those cancer-kids from that John Green's-book-adaptation-movie."

'Plus! Plus! Plus! My hair is green!"

"Good observation skills Dead-Beat! Now **let's get down to business, to throw Rosie this party.**"

"Alright! We'll need some sick beats. Probably ask Alex to bring some of his Ludwig Van stuff over. Some of the more fast paced stuff. We'll need food and weed, so we'll get Shaggy and Scooby on that. They'll be back now! You bring the beer, and I'll bring the sexy!"

Betelgeuse clapped his greasy, magic palms together, transporting Shaggy, Scooby, and their stash into Rosalie's basement. Neither seemed very disappointed to have been taken away from work. However, back in Brazil Fred's plan had gone haywire, thanks to the Burton demon's interference with the nature of things. Soon, Shaggy and Scooby would be going solo, but for now that would be beside the point.

"If you're going to call up Alex fill him in on Rosalie's newest sex-scandal! He loves that sort of stuff… Also, see if he'd be okay with pulling my weight and bring over some moloko plus. Thanks." Clementine was now texting, distracted by her phone's lit up screen from the plan making that was currently taking place.

"Okay, so I have that annoying red-headed bitch from the Breakfast Club to be willing to set up and do decorations. The black haired chick agreed to do some disturbing artwork to give the party a more gothic vibe. Mr. Pogington will be stopping by to do a dramatic reading of the shit story, My Immortal … we missing anything else that she may or may not like?" Beats asked.

"I think she mumbled some bullshit about wanting to finally find love and be happy or something before she threw her temper tantrum and stormed out of here."

"Okay, well I'm awful with that shit, so I'll leave that up to you. Now, I'm going to set up the DJ booth, because our droogie friend will need a place to play his tapes. I'm also going to make sure that there is a substantial amount of alcohol and drugs to go around for everyone that will be arriving."

"You know how Rosalie feels about drugs though…"

"True. Okay. We'll annex the drugs and just have alcohol and lots of food because I know she likes her nuggets."

"That's for sure! Alright sweet, okay, well how long do you think it will take before we can call her back over here?"

"That's a good question. Probably in an hour or so. The new can boogie, she can find romance, and we can all have fun and pretend it was all for her."

"Fantastic! Why do I never find myself dissatisfied after going Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Be-"

"-Shush! You don't want me to take off yet, do you?"

"Oops. Sorry."

"Alright, now, **let's get down to business…**"

_ONE HOUR LATER_

"Wow. This place looks hot. Hotter than you, Clementine but not as hot as you." Betelgeuse exclaimed, whipping out his hand mirror.

"Alright. I don't really know what Rosalie is looking for so Alex just told me to invite a whole bunch of dudes and 'the slut'll be satisfied,' so that's what I did. I'm sure you've planned for enough female strippers to come over, though, that'll all even out. Are you going to beam her over here, Scotty?"

"Don't call me that."

"Sure thing, Asshole."

"What happened to Dead-Beat?"

"Awe… That's precious! You mean to tell me you got attached to the 'pet-name' I gave you? Oh my, Asshole, how could this have ever happened? I can't even believe what I'm even comprehending! Burton's demon found the comfort in feeling adored? I thought you were just about sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll -too fast, too young, too hot, too steamy, too busy, too edgy, too happy, too sad, too special, too horny, too ready for love. You're going soft my dreary!"

"What the actual fuck are you talking about? Let's just get this show on the road!"

"Sure thing, Asshole," Clementine winked. "Rosalie," she shouted, dragging out the vowels in her friend's name as she called for her. "Can you come in here for a second?"

"What the hell do you want?" Rosalie asked sourly, sauntering into the room.

Clementine, hovering near the doorway, pointed under the air hockey table, directing Rosalie's eye. "It's Betelgeuse. While you were busy crying a new sea, me and him were busting our asses -not the way you bust his ass though, the way hardworking people bust their asses participating in non-sexual, no fun, dedicated work- setting up a party for you, you picky bitch. There's a fire alarm glitter glued under the table. You know the drill. Pull it and the party will begin on your cue. Isn't this exciting? It's just what you've wanted your whole entire day."

Rosalie was in shock. Clementine had never treated her so well before and it felt great! She hurriedly ducked down, and pressed the fire alarm, excited for the party that was about to happen.

Suddenly strawberry margarita began to rain from the ceiling, people burst from thin air in puffs of confetti -the Breakfast Club, the Looney Tunes, Holmes, Watson, Shaggy, Scooby, Alex and his droogies, the Outsiders, fifty-percent of the cast (_and_ crew, technically speaking) of Harry Potter, a good amount of the characters from Lost, as well as the Road to Eldorado, more of Tim Burton's creations, Captain Jack Sparrow, Peewee Herman, the Golden Girls, all six of the friends from Friends, Spinal Tap, even the Krustys had shown up, The Band was playing through the speakers, My Chemical Romance [**reunited and it feels so good … reunited it's so wonderful**] were on stage setting up to play a few songs, they were the opening act, Beethoven, the headlining act, was in the green room sipping bubble tea whilst pretending he gave a fuck about Alex and his ramblings and random muscle spasms, and, much to everybody's mutual horror and amazement, Emily's Sims had come to life and were mingling amongst the rest of the party-goers.

"Wow! Clementine, Beats! This is absolutely incredible. Slightly creepy, but awesome! Thanks!"

_TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER_

"So?" Clementine asked, curious if Rosalie had finally found love and was happy yet. "How's it going?" Once again, she was dragging out her vowels as she spoke.

"It's going great! The best part is that Beethoven is actually a vampire! That's how he's been alive this long! This is a great party! And I like the cake!"

"Alright," Clementine's voice went flat, "just make sure you don't tell Alex about Beethoven being a vampire, otherwise he will not rest until those composer fangs of B's are clamped around some sort of limb or other extension of his." Then, her voice cheerily rose again, "I didn't know there was cake! Where'd you find it?"

"No idea. It was just … there."

"Alright. Well, maybe don't eat too much of that stuff," Clem advised. "Have you met anyone new?"

"Not really. I mean, Georgie and Pete were nice. And I met Peewee Herman, but he's gross. "

"Oh, well that's okay, because I found a guy on Kijiji I think you might be into. Would you like to meet him?"

"Sure!"

"Sweet! Bring him in Dead-Beat [Clem and Asshole had, within the past two and half hours, bonded whilst in conversation with Krusty [the Clown], and she had reverted to calling him Dead-Beat once more]," Clementine hollered.

Betelgeuse snapped his fingers, of which each housed nails hoarding more dirt and who-knows-what-else under them than anyone would like to think about, together and in walked Kijiji candidate. As Patrick Star would have you know, Kijiji candidate was ugly. He was so ugly that everyone died.

**The End**

* * *

**P.S. If you did notice the fact that under the title it says, Part One, it's because we do plan on either writing another one of these weird fics, or to go more in-depth with what happened within the hours that were skipped in the story. Weird, we know. XD Don't forget to R&R even to tell us how messed up we are. Believe me, we know. **

**Xoxo - Jane**


End file.
